Apocalypstick's ApocaLIST 10 Things You Need To Stop Putting On Instagram Almie Rose

Instagram is fun and I use it it with a sort of frenzied self hatred, because I can’t stop. I love having a photo diary of my life, and seeing what other people are doing and what fun things I wasn’t invited to. But there are things that I am starting to get sick of seeing, and I can’t be the only one. Here are 10 things I think we should stop putting on Instagram. (And I am guilty of almost all of these offenses.)

10. Your nails.

nails

Ugh, nails everywhere. Take your Home Depot porn somewhere else.

This is controversial considering that we have a daily nail post on HelloGiggles, and I’m not saying that I don’t like seeing photos of creative manicures, because I do, because I bite my own nails and don’t have patience to paint little Disney Princesses or Pikachus or make my nails look like Stanley Kubrick’s filmography, or whatever. I like seeing yours. But I don’t like seeing a small grainy photo of them with some cockadoodle filter over it. I can’t tell what the color actually is. Don’t you want me to see your nails after you put all that hard work into it?

9. Your baby.

creepy baby

Hey guys, what’s going on?

I am not a mother, though I do drink like one. Thus, I can admit that I do not feel the need to constantly show the internet what my stupid kid looks like. I like to take pictures of martinis that I make, is it like that? The difference though is that it doesn’t matter if people see what my martinis look like, because that’s really not a personal thing, and it’s not a threat to the martini. I don’t understand why you would willingly put your child all over the Internet. Doesn’t that seem unsafe? I can’t explain how though. I could be way off on this.

 

8. What you’re watching on TV or listening to on your computer. 

bichon

Oh my God, you guys, this episode of ‘Law & Order: SVU’ is f****ing disgusting.

I mean, come on, really? You’re going to take a photo of your laptop/TV screen because why? Because you need proof that you were alone and had no plans?

 

7. Your crappy breakfast/lunch/dinner.

strawberries

David, stop, I’m not going to hold a strawberry for you to take a picture of. We all know what strawberries look like. Please, Dave. We really need to talk about Kevin.

If it’s visually appealing, great, but if not, I just feel sad for you, and almost angry, like, why are you even doing this to me? You know?

6. What you do at work.

boring office job

People? Sitting at a conference table? In a meeting? This is big news.

Unless you work at Disneyland, under the sea, in space or as Paul McCartney’s left arm, I don’t care, it’s boring and again, I feel sad for you. What am  I supposed to feel when I see a photo of you at your desk? I’m sorry to tell you this, but most of your jobs are boring. I don’t take photos of me sitting in front of my laptop or drinking coffee or making appointments for my boss or shooting birds at the airport, and that’s because it’s boring.

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  1. i love how offended people get when the topic of children gets brought up. i’d rather not see pictures of someones kid all over instagram…that’s what facebook is for. facebook is a place for friends..instagram is a place for random pictures that can be viewed BY EVERYONE! i wouldn’t want my kid out on there on the internet like that. then again, i’m not a kid fan, so who i am to tell?!

  2. While I’m not overly bothered by seeing a lot of these photos on Instagram, I thought the article was great and humorous! I don’t think I usually post any of these things though…

  3. I haven’t posted any of these things… now I feel like I’m not using Instagram to its full potential… stand by for nails, shadows, lunches, mates, random pictures I didn’t take, my reflection in my dirty bathroom mirror, my work desk and a running commentary on Supernatural, cos that’s pretty much all I watch at the moment.. well that and Big Brother. I feel more accepted than I ever have!! <3

    PS: Yes.. I am actually joking…. ;-))

  4. Wow! So I just found a post on another blog I follow that has just copy and pasted this article, I can’t believe it! I didn’t know people did that!

  5. [...] This article originally appeared on HelloGiggles. [...]

  6. Hi! So i was kinda disappointed considering im guilty of most of the stuff on the list (Hellotina88) because i was prepared to laugh at the same people i can’t stand on IG. I WAS hoping for duck faces, one-leg on bathroom sink pose, sexy with cryingbaby in the back, body shot infront of large mirror with huge mess in the background…. So what else is left? :/

  7. Motion for more fun/drunk pictures, less babies! Seeing a hundred pictures of your kids make my ovaries dry up.

  8. People are seriously still writing these stupid what not to post articles? Social media is meant to be fun. It’s not for a bunch of bitter people who are mad at the world. If you don’t like someone’s content unfollow them and STHU. It’s not that hard.

  9. Funny article! :) I like Instagram in general, but to be honest, I also find some things really annoying. For example, I don’t like seeing photos of my friends’ or strangers’ bare legs…

  10. I totally just instagram’d this article. You made me giggle! Love the commentary from the readers, love the humor, love the passionate instagrammers…Almie, don’t ever stop writing! :)

    #I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy…

  11. In my opinion this is the most annoying post I’ve ever seen in Hello Giggles. It’s not anybody’s business to disrupt somebody’s ideas, creativity or fun. And also this is a site being followed by all kinds of generations, there are shy teenagers, there are people under 18 reading these things. I know that you don’t say “hey bud, i’m sorry but you took these photos and you’re such a loser you’ll be forever alone if u don’t do what i said xoxo”. But some people may understand it that way and they can be upset, or they can judge people under the effect of this post. I know you respect other’s choices, but the words you write might be misunderstood. It is kind of an offensive post.

  12. Rosalia, I agree! I almost wrote that but my brain wasn’t working last night and I couldn’t form that thought into a proper sentence.

  13. So annoyed with all these people being hostile about it! It’s not negative, it’s satire, and it’s funny. She’s not seriously saying “don’t post this stuff”, she’s just saying “my we post this stuff alot”.
    Also can you see the irony in being angry and attacking the writer because you don’t want people to bring negativity to the site? Silly.

  14. So..where’s the list of things I should post? What does that leave?
    ….Hot guys….Sunsets….Old houses and architecture….my bird?

    • Those are all great ideas! Here are some more: your grandparents/old people/stylish old people, art, furniture, photos of interesting style or outfits, beautiful food, things that make you think WTF, little things in life we don’t pay attention to, and walruses.

  15. I can see why this article would offend some, but I did find it really funny. I do agree with some of the comments here about posting photos of family; it’s their choice to do so and nobody has to follow an instagram account if that’s an annoyance. But I will say this. I don’t publish content about anyone I care about unless I get their permission first. And if you’re posting imagery of your child who is too young to speak up about whether or not they want their face all over the internet, then you’re doing a disservice to them by breaching their privacy rights. It’s an important point that a lot of over-sharing parents overlook in this digital day and age.

  16. Agreed. I work as a wildlife officer. I reserve the right to take photos at work and post them on instagram, especially if there is wombat or whales in it. But I don’t want to a pile papers someone else has to file.

  17. Poor Almie. I don’t agree with this post, however, I like your blog and think you’re hilarious. Also you have huge balls. I totally would have deleted this after reading the first comment. Then maybe cried.

    • Haha! Thank you, Jennifer. I’ve been on the Internet long enough not to get hurt feelings. And no one here is saying anything like, “You’re ugly” or “Kill yourself” so that’s always nice.

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  19. Good one, Almie. See, I guess it doesn’t hit the mark with some people, because they don’t realise that we’re not into their babies like they are. We’re not interested in seeing which club someone is skanking out it. See, with all the tools we have to “connect” with our friends, we’re more or less watching their lives from a distance, and displaying our own lives with the same detachment. There ain’t much connecting going on at all, just more proof that “I’m here doing this right now, and you’re not.”

  20. Almie, people who don’t get this article are major turdburgers. I hope I never have kids if it turns me into a humorless moron. You are super cool. DON’T EVER CHANGE!!!!