10 Important Things We Learned From Rob Ford Taryn Parrish

Womp womp...

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, or “RoFo” as no one calls him, is now on a break from campaigning after another video surfaced of him using what may be crack cocaine. It’s been quite the political trip over here in Toronto the past few years, and we’ve learned a lot.

1) “It can’t get any worse” is a total lie

Rob Ford has proven that this popular saying is false, so very very false. Brace yourself, because just when you think things can’t get any worse, they can, and in ways you could never imagine.

“Oopsie doodle!”

Thankfully, you can prevent the downfall, as long as you…

2) Check yo’ self, before you wreck yo’ self

Ice Cube said it, but Rob Ford drove the point home. Self reflection is so important. If you don’t take a moment every once in a while to question your life choices, the consequences could be dire. Not just personally, but politically, socially, nationally, globally and even nightly.

“Sorry, you have some dignity on your face. There. It’s gone now.”

3) Second chances are not the be all end all

And neither are third, fourth, fifth and sixth chances. Especially in politics.

Two chances are for quitters!

“Second chances are for quitters!”

4) Canada is no Sandra Dee

It’s always been “New York” this and “L.A.” that and Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Rob Ford’s antics – though extreme – garnered worldwide attention and got people talking about Toronto, and by extension, Canada. It’s no longer “cute, meek, innocent Canada,” it’s loud, brash, sweaty, clumsy, raw, sexy Canada. We’re not your little sister anymore, America, we’re your unpredictable distant cousin who taught you how to smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes and crack.

Canada: before and after

Canada: before and after

5) Walk, don’t run…

6) And always look well ahead…

Hey, he never said Ford Nation meant coordination.

7) Cameras are everywhere

Contrary to the previous clip, it’s not just the big ones you need to worry about. Cameras are literally everywhere, especially in the pockets of those who are out to get you. How many times do drunken rants and recreational drug use need to be documented before this is clear? Tread carefully! Trust no one! But more importantly…

8) Don’t do drugs

Don’t do drugs, don’t buy drugs, don’t sell drugs, don’t hug drugs, and don’t hang out with drug dealers. As our favourite Canadian PSA characters Bert and Gert would say – stay alert, stay safe!

But no need for helmets while hover boarding.

But no need for helmets while hover boarding.

9) Know when to walk away

Drunken stupors, crack, impaired driving, rage rants, racist rants, misogyny, assault. Rob Ford is the poster person for not knowing when to walk away – except, after some clever yet highly inappropriate word play:

His determinism is almost inspiring if it weren’t so confusing.

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