The Scariest Things About Starting a New Job

As a soon-to-be college graduate, I am also soon-to-be entering the workforce (hopefully). Starting a new job is like your first day of school: You are nervous and often have no idea where the bathroom is. However, unlike school, you get paid for this anxiety, so it isn’t all bad! Here are the 10 scariest things about starting a new job.

10. Being late on your first day

You leave 40 minutes early and then you discover they’re constructing another bridge on the 405. But you’re prepared for this, you exit the freeway and start to take side streets. Unfortunately, you are hitting every single red light and now you’re paranoid that you’re in a Truman Show situation and that someone is engineering your drive to work in order to get higher ratings. You make it to work with five minutes to spare, which is good because you have to reapply the deodorant that you sweated through and fix the hair that you were busy pulling out.

9. Figuring out how to work the espresso machine

It makes coffee and makes you lose all faith in humanity!

In any office, coffee is sacred. It is the lifeblood of the workplace, oil to the cogs of ingenuity and creativity, effectively making it so you don’t pass out on top of your keyboard. Each office usually has its espresso machine of choice, and usually they are all pretty terrifying.

8. Deciding where to eat lunch

What will leave me with the least amount of guilt and heartburn?

When you’re placed within a new office environment, you’re nervous about a lot of things, but probably your biggest fear is finding a good place to eat. You could have packed your own lunch, but who are you? Julia Child? Your lack of culinary prowess sends you onto the new and uncertain streets, scavenging for a place to find food. Just when your stomach feels like it is about to drop the mic and walk away, you find a Chipotle and all is right in the world.

7. Deciding who to eat lunch with

You read somewhere that eating lunch at your desk is probably gonna kill you, so you decide to eat outside and enjoy the sun. You go outside and all the tables on the patio are full, what do you do? You tentatively approach the nearest table and all of its members look up at you, expecting you to speak words. The anticipation gets to you and you freeze, but they continue to stare on. In a moment of sheer panic, you wordlessly hold out the three cookies that you got with your Subway sandwich. They take the offering and you have new best friends.

6. Locating the bathroom

Locating the bathroom can also solve the whole “who to eat lunch with” problem.

Your boss couldn’t give you the office tour because he was going to be late to a meeting so you just sat down and started working. About two hours in you realize that a venti iced coffee may have been overkill. You get up to go to the bathroom but you have no idea where it is. You want to ask your neighbor but you have barely even talked yet and you don’t want your first impression to involve your bladder. Instead, you decide to wander the office aimlessly until you find it.

5. Overdressing for the office

This is business casual, right?

Picking out a first-day outfit can be pretty difficult. You want to hit the ideal mix of casual, fashionable and professional. What happens is you land somewhere in the realm of over-dressed, slightly-outdated and visibly uncomfortable.

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