10 Reasons You’re On Santa’s Naughty List Rosie Stoff

Santa’s making a list… and he’s checking it twice!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Well, that is, if you were a good girl or boy in 2013. For the rest of you little devils, no presents in beautiful wrapped boxes for you! Be expecting a lump of coal – sorry to be the bearer of bad news. However, if you aren’t sure on which list your antics of the year put you on, here are some good reasons you might just be on Santa’s Naughty List. We can’t all be perfect all the time! Some indecencies are justifiable, others just make you naughty to the bone.

1. You ignored a friend’s Kickstarter.

Here is the reason you are a horrible person and are going right on Santa’s Naughty List in Sharpie. You straight up ignored a friend’s courage and ambition in reaching out to strangers on the Internet to help fulfill a dream or help a cause. You saw it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, an email or heard about it in person, and you ignored it. Therefore you sucked. You were just terrible. Nobody said you needed to donate more than you could afford! Any few dollars would have been appreciated by a real friend seeking you out.

2. You had the mouth of a sailor.

I am 100% guilty of this flaw and I am desperately trying to cut back on my dirty, filthy mouth. I am an avid curser. Oh yes, there are your typical curse words, those four letter foes, but my specialty is spitting out foul new ones. Let’s all try and cut back on the obscenities next year! It isn’t doing anyone any good. Yes, a stubbed toe might deserve one or two, but we never saw Grace Kelly cursing, did we? I don’t think she was dropping mad f-bombs as Princess of Monaco. You may have attempted to curb your cursing tendencies, and if so, well, maybe that reserved you a spot on the nice list. However, if you were cursing without hesitation in front of children… naughty, naughty you!

3. It’s Gossip GIRL not Gossip WOMAN… for a reason!

By age 23, I thought gossip among friends would be a thing of the past, unfortunately I was wrong. This is one thing that will land you pretty close to the top of Santa’s Naughty List, closely following theft, adultery and twerking. Yes, we saw all the Real Housewives gossiping behind each others backs and they are grown women. Is that who you wanted to emulate in 2013? Really?! Get your priorities straight for 2014. Let’s make an attempt at being nice rather than naughty ladies, ladies.

4. You said YOLO and other such terms.

You say YOLO more than once, I roll my eyes and seriously reconsider our friendship. There are some terms that should have been put to rest in 2013, YOLO being one of them, along with swag, nom and derp. You will be put on the Naughty List for simply doing a disservice to yourself. You have made yourself look to others as if you have the IQ of a bucket of KFC. Rotten KFC.

5. You twerked.

It has been four months since twerking entered the public’s vocabulary and was a true eyesore to all those with the sense of sight. I hope you didn’t partake in the fad. Okay, trying it once in front of the mirror in the privacy of your own home was mildly acceptable. JUST ONCE, only to ease the curiosity burning a gaping hole in your mind. In public? ‘Tis a lump of coal for you, my dear!

6. You overshared on social media.

Please, for the sake of all those following you on any medium of social media, don’t abuse the power of sharing. Oversharing is a crime; am I the only one that thinks a fine is a suitable solution? Please don’t take over my Instagram feed with selfies, my Twitter feed with meal updates and reviews and Facebook with meaningless statuses. You will be on Santa’s Naughty List because he, too, is annoyed and wants to displease you due to your social media presence. Also, more than one hashtag? That’s a big bump off the Nice List and onto the Naughty!

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  1. If 1-5 didn’t get people then 6 certainly did.