As I sit down to write this, I am surrounded by laundry. Some of it clean, some of it dirty, all of it on the floor in piles. It’s been slowly taking over my apartment for a week. Yes, it takes me an entire week to do laundry. I hate laundry that much. Here are the top ten reasons why laundry is the worst and I wouldn’t miss it if it disappeared forever.
1. I simultaneously have too much and too little clothing. I feel like I never have clothes to wear, yet when I do laundry it takes me at least six loads. How can I have so much clothing to clean and then never any clean clothes? How does this happen?
2. Sorting. If you’re anything like me, your bedroom is a sea of discarded clothes. Some are dirty, some aren’t. Some still have tags on them, some have been there for weeks. I keep waiting for the day I outgrow this. Keep telling myself this will be the month I keep my bedroom clean. Then I end up, once again, sifting through piles and piles of clothes trying to figure out what is clean or dirty on laundry day
3. Quarters. Quarter laundry is the worst. No matter how carefully I count, I always end up exactly one quarter short of a load and then have to walk to Walgreens and barter. I’m telling you, they guard their quarters are like horcruxes in that place.
4. People who take your stuff out of the machine. I’m not saying I’ve never done it. Everyone’s taken someone else’s laundry out of the machine, yet it’s still super frustrating when it happens to you. One time a guy took my WET clothes out of the washer and simultaneously put clothes in both the washer and dryer. I don’t even understand. How did he have clothes to go in the dryer if my stuff had JUST come out of the washer? I’m just not okay with strangers touching my undies okay? Which leads me to my next point…
5. Dropping your underwear in public. No matter how hard I try, I always drop something from my laundry basket. That something is always a pair of underwear. It’s like they’re enacting a Toy Story plan of escape.
6. Awkward small talk. Every trip to my apartment’s laundry room is another opportunity for my neighbors to engage me in awkward small talk. I hate it so very much. Yes it’s nice out. Yes I am home at noon on a Tuesday. I just don’t want to discuss it with you while I’m wearing my most ridiculous laundry day outfit.
7. Socks. Matching socks is just obnoxious. I buy my socks in pairs, then laundry day comes and none of them seem to match up. I know this is the most overused joke ever, but honestly where do all those stray socks go?
8. Folding. I’m just not a fan.
9. Things shrink. We have cars that parallel park themselves, why haven’t we invented fabric that doesn’t shrink yet? Can somebody get on that? Thanks.
10. Putting it all away. This is where I often get exhausted and just give up. If I’ve successfully cleaned and folded my laundry I feel like I’ve accomplishment so much already and should just give myself a break. This break turns into days of picking out outfits from the floor and steaming them in the bathroom while I shower. It works, until someone that is not me needs to enter my apartment and the hoarder panic sets in.
This post is dedicated to my friend Nate, who has text me every day for the past week asking where his borrowed sweatpants are.
Feature image via theahhamoments