10 Reasons Pants Are the WorstElizabeth Entenman

Hi, I’m Elizabeth and I hate pants. Why? Because they never fit quite right. Even when they do fit comfortably, they’re somehow too tight. They’re torture devices for your lower half. Look me in the eye and tell me the first thing you do when you get home isn’t take off your pants. Why do I own so many pairs of these devilish leg sleeves?

Unfortunately, since it’s the middle of winter, I’m living in pants right now. Most days I wear leggings, because leggings are awesome and comfortable and fit better than pants. I toss the occasional dress-with-tights combo into the rotation, but some days it’s just too cold NOT to wear pants. I can’t wait until it’s spring and I can go back to living in light, breezy sundresses. Pants are the worst, and here are 10 reasons why.

1. They’re never the right length.

We’re unique individuals, so why can’t we buy pants based on waist AND length? Maybe it’s because I’m short, but pants are always at least two inches too long on me, if not more. Do you know how dumb hemming boot cuts is? It undermines their boot cut-tiness. I can imagine on taller people, pants are constantly coming up short, flood pants-style. Thanks for nothing, pants.

2. They try too hard.

Rhinestones. Embroidery. Decorative zippers. Sometimes I just want a simple pair of pants, you know? I don’t need my jeans to do the talking for me, and I don’t need my back pockets to tell a story. Just be yourself, pants.

3. That whole belt situation…

I’m the worst at wearing belts. I browse through Pin-spiration of fashionable girls, looking like they were born wearing a tan belt with a strategically half-tucked chambray shirt and I think, “Yeah, I can do that!” but really, I can’t. If your pants don’t stay up without a belt, buy a different pair. I suck at wearing belts, and this wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t wearing pants.

4. Some of them don’t have pockets.

One thing I do appreciate about pants is they give me an out when I don’t know what to do with my hands. Pockets are a godsend when you’re feeling awkward. So why are there pants without pockets? I look dumb every time I try to slide my hands into invisible pockets. Thanks, pants.

5. They’re silently judging me.

When I’m pulling pants over my hips or struggling to make button ends meet, it feels like my pants are silently suggesting I shouldn’t be wearing them. When honestly, it’s their fault for not accommodating different types of bodies. They’re constantly telling my tummy to sit tight and my thighs to hang in there. Why yes, pants, I did eat an entire package of Oreos today, but I’d rather not discuss it with you.

6. It’s hard to tuck them into boots.

Tucking pants into boots requires a series of rolling and folding that only stays in tact until right after you leave the house. Unless you’re wearing skinny jeans, and even then there’s no guarantee, there’s too much pant for your boots’ liking. Don’t even try to throw boot socks into the mix.

7. There are underwear rules.

You can’t wear every style (or color) of underwear with every style/material of pants. And it’s proof that life is unfair. Sometimes I choose pants based on what kind of underwear I want—or don’t want—to wear that day. I don’t appreciate when pants make me work for it.

8. They’re so restricting!

There’s nothing freeing about pants. They just don’t let you breathe. One minute they’re too bunchy in the knees, the next the crotch is too tight. Why do we subject ourselves to these waist prisons? Maybe I need to move to LA so I can wear dresses all year round.

9. There are too many styles.

Low-rise. Wide-leg. Straight cut. Boyfriend. I usually appreciate having options, but lately, pants shopping has been a little overwhelming. I wish there was a universally recognized pair of pants, a golden standard that’s considered fine to wear in any situation.

10. There’s always one part of you that seems to be uncomfortable.

Maybe it’s your thighs. Maybe it’s your calves. Maybe it’s your ankles, because they’re attempting the whole boot socks thing. You’re rarely 100% at ease in a pair of pants, unless you unbutton them, which is only socially acceptable after lunch when hidden under oversized sweaters.

… Unless we’re talking about sweatpants. Sweatpants are the lifeblood of Netflix marathons, dog walking and running to the store really quickly. If sweatpants were the only kind of pants in the world, I would absolutely looove pants.

Featured image via ShutterStock

  • Michifer

    Then wear a fucking skirt and stop whining.

  • Timothy Lal

    If she thinks pants are uncomfortable for the testiculary impaired, it would be even more so for a sensitive external organ that packed between the legs. I think that the scotts had it right with the kilt. Coverage and breathing room. I wonder if there is a way to bring kilts back in vogue as a pan cultural/gender style.

  • rick

    I love it so many women prefer skirt/dresses, too bad they don’t have a singles online site for that, I’d sign up.

  • rick

    Im a man and fell the same about jeans, too confining. As for a woman in jeans…I think its tacky and not attractive. I could deal with a pant suit or some nice, tailored dress pants but I think a woman just looks plain prettier in a skirt or dress, I’ll take an average looking woman who wears skirts and dresses more often than not over a super model who loves her jeans

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=105600789 Valerie Hobbs

    I despise dresses. I think most of the complaining you’re doing here is about jeans. I hate jeans and can agree with you on almost every point.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=110901057 Shannon Kreisel

    Agreed on literally every count… I complain about pants all the time and you’ve made me feel so justified, ha.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=502306354 Mary Rose Largess

    I have always felt the opposite way about pants. I think because I have found the type that fit me and make me feel confident. Dresses never look right on me anymore and skirts (and sweatpants) make me feel uncomfortable with myself. In high school, many times, I slept in jeans because they were comfy. I know that is weird. I may be the only one but I find skinny jeans (but certain pairs) to be the most comfy ever. I wish all pants fit this well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=507102845 Josh Anderson

    Throw a pair of balls in there and it gets even worse!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=507102845 Josh Anderson

    Throw a pair of balls in there & it gets even worse!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=225500678 Rebekah Richardson

    TRUE STORY! I’m living with leggings under dresses/skirts for the winter.

    • rick

      you sound like a dream girl :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=825429440 Adrianna Herrera

    oh my!! what did pants ever do to you? i’m sorry but this has to be the dumbest article i’ve read in a while, this could’ve been a great “why i love dresses” article, wich is where i thought it was going. but instead you chose to be so angry at pants for some reason…??? maybe you just have to learn to choose your freakin pants!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1291604169 Sophie Elvidge

      I’m sorry but this is the dumbest comment I’ve read in a while. Why did you think that this was going to be an article about loving dresses!? Seriously, can you read? Are you legitimately retarded? The title is, “ten reasons pants are the worst.” Also, she’s not angry at pants for “some reason.” It’s for the ten very explicit reasons set forth by this article. Maybe you just have to learn to read the freaking title of what you’re clicking on!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592514333 Megan Rice

        Whoa whoa whoa, relax girl. Did you seriously just say, “Are you legitimately retarded…”? VERY, VERY UNNECESSARY and quite frankly ridiculously rude and ignorant. Why would you even say something so offensive? What on Earth is wrong with you? Get some manners, take a chill pill, and step off your soap box. If you’re going to comment back at someone and call them out, there are more mature ways of doing it where you don’t choose to attack someone by using those with disabilities as an insult. It’s 2014. Have you not realized that that’s not an okay thing to do? Please educate yourself.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61900568 Elizabeth Eshelman

          yes. all of that. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001322750751 Shahar Dror-tabak

    Most accurate article I’ve ever read!. Since my last pair of jeans tore (in the middle of a school day :O) I just can’t handle them lol. Wish it was hot enough to wear dresses every day

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1094904409 Marissa Baker

    I only have a couple pairs of jeans — much rather wear skirts. Mostly I wear pants in the winter, too, but I’ve also found skirts can be just as warm if you have enough layers (I usually wear full-length peasant skirts, and have layered tights, leggings, and even another skirt under those). I thought you might like this article I stumbled across a few weeks ago on staying warm while wearing skirts: http://www.themodestmomblog.com/2014/01/how-to-stay-warm-and-modest-in-a-skirt/

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000987062157 Brandi Shuey

    “Maybe I need to move to LA so I can wear dresses all year round.” LOL I think that sometimes :) Living in PA, jeans are a must in the colder months and it does get old…. FAST!. I get what I call, “jeans fatigue”.

    Although, I must disagree about the sweat pant thing. I would much rather wear skirts and dresses everyday. I think a bengaline pencil skirt is more comfortable that sweats could ever be (for me anyway). Especially if said skirt is from pinupgirlclothing.com ;) lol Shameless plug….. I’m a huge fan and long time customer of theirs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=709630406 Helen Looymans

    So guys have it even worse, unless they’re Scottish ;-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=559040690 Hannah Stephenson Clarke

    The fact that none of them actually fit…they’re either hipsters (unbelievably unflattering if you have larger hips) or high waisted monstrosities (horrendous if you have hips). Jeans in particular tend to have been designed by slim people, for slim people. Not for women who have any form or shape or an ounce of fat on them =/ I’m a UK 14 and seriously struggle to find ones that will fit comfortably, everywhere.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=782499873 Amanda Lindberg

    I live in Sweden, and it gets fucking cold here, so during the winter I just go with several layers of woolly tights, because I also despise pants.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61900568 Elizabeth Eshelman

      What’s your fave resource for woolly tights?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=675671464 Amanda Frawley

    I agree! I especially despise jeans!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=519125016 Annie Cargirl

    Two words: Men’s section.

    I’ve nearly given up shopping for pants, especially jeans, in the women’s section. I just go straight to men’s now. Where they actually DO have pants with both weight and height measurements. The men’s pants are proportionate in weight/height, and I never have to get them hemmed.

    The only downside being, men’s pants have really long pockets.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=605247305 Gina House

    This is the best article I’ve ever read :D It totally made my day! I agree 100%. I am definitely a dress girl (sometimes with tights) and the only time I am required to wear pants is during an archery tournament…and I wear them under protest.

    I am only 5’1″ (with a larger waist, stubby legs and a flat tush) and I’ve never found a pair of pants that fit correctly…never mind look flattering. “Bum Sag” is one of the worst pant afflictions you can have…ugh.

    Your words made me smile and I’m so happy to hear that someone else feels the same way.

    Hooray for No Pants! :D

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