Hi, I’m Elizabeth and I hate pants. Why? Because they never fit quite right. Even when they do fit comfortably, they’re somehow too tight. They’re torture devices for your lower half. Look me in the eye and tell me the first thing you do when you get home isn’t take off your pants. Why do I own so many pairs of these devilish leg sleeves?
Unfortunately, since it’s the middle of winter, I’m living in pants right now. Most days I wear leggings, because leggings are awesome and comfortable and fit better than pants. I toss the occasional dress-with-tights combo into the rotation, but some days it’s just too cold NOT to wear pants. I can’t wait until it’s spring and I can go back to living in light, breezy sundresses. Pants are the worst, and here are 10 reasons why.
1. They’re never the right length.
We’re unique individuals, so why can’t we buy pants based on waist AND length? Maybe it’s because I’m short, but pants are always at least two inches too long on me, if not more. Do you know how dumb hemming boot cuts is? It undermines their boot cut-tiness. I can imagine on taller people, pants are constantly coming up short, flood pants-style. Thanks for nothing, pants.
2. They try too hard.
Rhinestones. Embroidery. Decorative zippers. Sometimes I just want a simple pair of pants, you know? I don’t need my jeans to do the talking for me, and I don’t need my back pockets to tell a story. Just be yourself, pants.
3. That whole belt situation…
I’m the worst at wearing belts. I browse through Pin-spiration of fashionable girls, looking like they were born wearing a tan belt with a strategically half-tucked chambray shirt and I think, “Yeah, I can do that!” but really, I can’t. If your pants don’t stay up without a belt, buy a different pair. I suck at wearing belts, and this wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t wearing pants.
4. Some of them don’t have pockets.
One thing I do appreciate about pants is they give me an out when I don’t know what to do with my hands. Pockets are a godsend when you’re feeling awkward. So why are there pants without pockets? I look dumb every time I try to slide my hands into invisible pockets. Thanks, pants.
5. They’re silently judging me.
When I’m pulling pants over my hips or struggling to make button ends meet, it feels like my pants are silently suggesting I shouldn’t be wearing them. When honestly, it’s their fault for not accommodating different types of bodies. They’re constantly telling my tummy to sit tight and my thighs to hang in there. Why yes, pants, I did eat an entire package of Oreos today, but I’d rather not discuss it with you.
6. It’s hard to tuck them into boots.
Tucking pants into boots requires a series of rolling and folding that only stays in tact until right after you leave the house. Unless you’re wearing skinny jeans, and even then there’s no guarantee, there’s too much pant for your boots’ liking. Don’t even try to throw boot socks into the mix.
7. There are underwear rules.
You can’t wear every style (or color) of underwear with every style/material of pants. And it’s proof that life is unfair. Sometimes I choose pants based on what kind of underwear I want—or don’t want—to wear that day. I don’t appreciate when pants make me work for it.
8. They’re so restricting!
There’s nothing freeing about pants. They just don’t let you breathe. One minute they’re too bunchy in the knees, the next the crotch is too tight. Why do we subject ourselves to these waist prisons? Maybe I need to move to LA so I can wear dresses all year round.
9. There are too many styles.
Low-rise. Wide-leg. Straight cut. Boyfriend. I usually appreciate having options, but lately, pants shopping has been a little overwhelming. I wish there was a universally recognized pair of pants, a golden standard that’s considered fine to wear in any situation.
10. There’s always one part of you that seems to be uncomfortable.
Maybe it’s your thighs. Maybe it’s your calves. Maybe it’s your ankles, because they’re attempting the whole boot socks thing. You’re rarely 100% at ease in a pair of pants, unless you unbutton them, which is only socially acceptable after lunch when hidden under oversized sweaters.
… Unless we’re talking about sweatpants. Sweatpants are the lifeblood of Netflix marathons, dog walking and running to the store really quickly. If sweatpants were the only kind of pants in the world, I would absolutely looove pants.
Featured image via ShutterStock