10 Reasons Pants Are the Worst Elizabeth Entenman

Hi, I’m Elizabeth and I hate pants. Why? Because they never fit quite right. Even when they do fit comfortably, they’re somehow too tight. They’re torture devices for your lower half. Look me in the eye and tell me the first thing you do when you get home isn’t take off your pants. Why do I own so many pairs of these devilish leg sleeves?

Unfortunately, since it’s the middle of winter, I’m living in pants right now. Most days I wear leggings, because leggings are awesome and comfortable and fit better than pants. I toss the occasional dress-with-tights combo into the rotation, but some days it’s just too cold NOT to wear pants. I can’t wait until it’s spring and I can go back to living in light, breezy sundresses. Pants are the worst, and here are 10 reasons why.

1. They’re never the right length.

We’re unique individuals, so why can’t we buy pants based on waist AND length? Maybe it’s because I’m short, but pants are always at least two inches too long on me, if not more. Do you know how dumb hemming boot cuts is? It undermines their boot cut-tiness. I can imagine on taller people, pants are constantly coming up short, flood pants-style. Thanks for nothing, pants.

2. They try too hard.

Rhinestones. Embroidery. Decorative zippers. Sometimes I just want a simple pair of pants, you know? I don’t need my jeans to do the talking for me, and I don’t need my back pockets to tell a story. Just be yourself, pants.

3. That whole belt situation…

I’m the worst at wearing belts. I browse through Pin-spiration of fashionable girls, looking like they were born wearing a tan belt with a strategically half-tucked chambray shirt and I think, “Yeah, I can do that!” but really, I can’t. If your pants don’t stay up without a belt, buy a different pair. I suck at wearing belts, and this wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t wearing pants.

4. Some of them don’t have pockets.

One thing I do appreciate about pants is they give me an out when I don’t know what to do with my hands. Pockets are a godsend when you’re feeling awkward. So why are there pants without pockets? I look dumb every time I try to slide my hands into invisible pockets. Thanks, pants.

5. They’re silently judging me.

When I’m pulling pants over my hips or struggling to make button ends meet, it feels like my pants are silently suggesting I shouldn’t be wearing them. When honestly, it’s their fault for not accommodating different types of bodies. They’re constantly telling my tummy to sit tight and my thighs to hang in there. Why yes, pants, I did eat an entire package of Oreos today, but I’d rather not discuss it with you.

6. It’s hard to tuck them into boots.

Tucking pants into boots requires a series of rolling and folding that only stays in tact until right after you leave the house. Unless you’re wearing skinny jeans, and even then there’s no guarantee, there’s too much pant for your boots’ liking. Don’t even try to throw boot socks into the mix.

7. There are underwear rules.

You can’t wear every style (or color) of underwear with every style/material of pants. And it’s proof that life is unfair. Sometimes I choose pants based on what kind of underwear I want—or don’t want—to wear that day. I don’t appreciate when pants make me work for it.

8. They’re so restricting!

There’s nothing freeing about pants. They just don’t let you breathe. One minute they’re too bunchy in the knees, the next the crotch is too tight. Why do we subject ourselves to these waist prisons? Maybe I need to move to LA so I can wear dresses all year round.

9. There are too many styles.

Low-rise. Wide-leg. Straight cut. Boyfriend. I usually appreciate having options, but lately, pants shopping has been a little overwhelming. I wish there was a universally recognized pair of pants, a golden standard that’s considered fine to wear in any situation.

10. There’s always one part of you that seems to be uncomfortable.

Maybe it’s your thighs. Maybe it’s your calves. Maybe it’s your ankles, because they’re attempting the whole boot socks thing. You’re rarely 100% at ease in a pair of pants, unless you unbutton them, which is only socially acceptable after lunch when hidden under oversized sweaters.

… Unless we’re talking about sweatpants. Sweatpants are the lifeblood of Netflix marathons, dog walking and running to the store really quickly. If sweatpants were the only kind of pants in the world, I would absolutely looove pants.

Featured image via ShutterStock

comments

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  1. I despise dresses. I think most of the complaining you’re doing here is about jeans. I hate jeans and can agree with you on almost every point.

  2. Agreed on literally every count… I complain about pants all the time and you’ve made me feel so justified, ha.

  3. I have always felt the opposite way about pants. I think because I have found the type that fit me and make me feel confident. Dresses never look right on me anymore and skirts (and sweatpants) make me feel uncomfortable with myself. In high school, many times, I slept in jeans because they were comfy. I know that is weird. I may be the only one but I find skinny jeans (but certain pairs) to be the most comfy ever. I wish all pants fit this well.

  4. Throw a pair of balls in there and it gets even worse!

  5. Throw a pair of balls in there & it gets even worse!

  6. TRUE STORY! I’m living with leggings under dresses/skirts for the winter.

  7. oh my!! what did pants ever do to you? i’m sorry but this has to be the dumbest article i’ve read in a while, this could’ve been a great “why i love dresses” article, wich is where i thought it was going. but instead you chose to be so angry at pants for some reason…??? maybe you just have to learn to choose your freakin pants!

    • I’m sorry but this is the dumbest comment I’ve read in a while. Why did you think that this was going to be an article about loving dresses!? Seriously, can you read? Are you legitimately retarded? The title is, “ten reasons pants are the worst.” Also, she’s not angry at pants for “some reason.” It’s for the ten very explicit reasons set forth by this article. Maybe you just have to learn to read the freaking title of what you’re clicking on!

      • Whoa whoa whoa, relax girl. Did you seriously just say, “Are you legitimately retarded…”? VERY, VERY UNNECESSARY and quite frankly ridiculously rude and ignorant. Why would you even say something so offensive? What on Earth is wrong with you? Get some manners, take a chill pill, and step off your soap box. If you’re going to comment back at someone and call them out, there are more mature ways of doing it where you don’t choose to attack someone by using those with disabilities as an insult. It’s 2014. Have you not realized that that’s not an okay thing to do? Please educate yourself.

  8. Most accurate article I’ve ever read!. Since my last pair of jeans tore (in the middle of a school day :O) I just can’t handle them lol. Wish it was hot enough to wear dresses every day

  9. I only have a couple pairs of jeans — much rather wear skirts. Mostly I wear pants in the winter, too, but I’ve also found skirts can be just as warm if you have enough layers (I usually wear full-length peasant skirts, and have layered tights, leggings, and even another skirt under those). I thought you might like this article I stumbled across a few weeks ago on staying warm while wearing skirts: http://www.themodestmomblog.com/2014/01/how-to-stay-warm-and-modest-in-a-skirt/

  10. “Maybe I need to move to LA so I can wear dresses all year round.” LOL I think that sometimes :) Living in PA, jeans are a must in the colder months and it does get old…. FAST!. I get what I call, “jeans fatigue”.

    Although, I must disagree about the sweat pant thing. I would much rather wear skirts and dresses everyday. I think a bengaline pencil skirt is more comfortable that sweats could ever be (for me anyway). Especially if said skirt is from pinupgirlclothing.com ;) lol Shameless plug….. I’m a huge fan and long time customer of theirs.

  11. So guys have it even worse, unless they’re Scottish ;-)

  12. The fact that none of them actually fit…they’re either hipsters (unbelievably unflattering if you have larger hips) or high waisted monstrosities (horrendous if you have hips). Jeans in particular tend to have been designed by slim people, for slim people. Not for women who have any form or shape or an ounce of fat on them =/ I’m a UK 14 and seriously struggle to find ones that will fit comfortably, everywhere.

  13. I live in Sweden, and it gets fucking cold here, so during the winter I just go with several layers of woolly tights, because I also despise pants.

  14. I agree! I especially despise jeans!

  15. Two words: Men’s section.

    I’ve nearly given up shopping for pants, especially jeans, in the women’s section. I just go straight to men’s now. Where they actually DO have pants with both weight and height measurements. The men’s pants are proportionate in weight/height, and I never have to get them hemmed.

    The only downside being, men’s pants have really long pockets.

  16. This is the best article I’ve ever read :D It totally made my day! I agree 100%. I am definitely a dress girl (sometimes with tights) and the only time I am required to wear pants is during an archery tournament…and I wear them under protest.

    I am only 5’1″ (with a larger waist, stubby legs and a flat tush) and I’ve never found a pair of pants that fit correctly…never mind look flattering. “Bum Sag” is one of the worst pant afflictions you can have…ugh.

    Your words made me smile and I’m so happy to hear that someone else feels the same way.

    Hooray for No Pants! :D

  17. Also, when you try a pair of pants on at the store and it seems like they fit perfectly so you buy them. Only to wear them the next day and find out after, like, 2 hours that they are doing some weird morphing thing and are now saggy in your butt or bunchy in your knees. The only time they fit right again is for the first few hours of wear after they come out of the dryer. Not cool.

  18. To all the pant-haters out there (I used to be one!) – Two words: Gloria. Vanderbilt.

    I’m 5’2″, and if I buy their “short” version, I can get perfectly-fitting size 14′s….. without the “OMG I am TOO short for these” balloon at the ankles (and without sacrificing the… storage space… for my short, round figure).

    If you like sparkly back pockets, they have styles with those. If you’re taller than normal, they have “tall” versions in every size too (as far as I’ve seen…). If you like a plain ol’ plain ol’ pair of blue jeans (with a little bit of light stretch), that have pockets, belt loops, and fit comfortably… they’ve got those too. I’ve seen some normal colors (black, tan, blue) and some not-so-normal (maroon, purple, teal, etc.). I’ve even found corduroy, too!

    Best part, I’ve seen them at my local big-box wholesale club, too, so you don’t necessarily have to pay full freight.

    Be strong, fellow pant-haters… you too can find your *magical* perfectly-fitting jeans. They’re out there. They’re waiting for you. Maybe GV won’t be yours, but you too can find your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow… keep looking! :)

  19. I hate pants, too! I am totally in agreement with sundress idea! I have one pair of jeans and that is all. This is why tights, leggings and pantyhose exist!

  20. Sometimes I feel like something must be wrong with me for hating jeans so much that I refuse to wear them 90% of the time, but then I read stuff like this and I realize that people who make pants don’t understand what a human is shaped like.

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