10 Reasons Pants Are the Worst

Hi, I’m Elizabeth and I hate pants. Why? Because they never fit quite right. Even when they do fit comfortably, they’re somehow too tight. They’re torture devices for your lower half. Look me in the eye and tell me the first thing you do when you get home isn’t take off your pants. Why do I own so many pairs of these devilish leg sleeves?

Unfortunately, since it’s the middle of winter, I’m living in pants right now. Most days I wear leggings, because leggings are awesome and comfortable and fit better than pants. I toss the occasional dress-with-tights combo into the rotation, but some days it’s just too cold NOT to wear pants. I can’t wait until it’s spring and I can go back to living in light, breezy sundresses. Pants are the worst, and here are 10 reasons why.

1. They’re never the right length.

We’re unique individuals, so why can’t we buy pants based on waist AND length? Maybe it’s because I’m short, but pants are always at least two inches too long on me, if not more. Do you know how dumb hemming boot cuts is? It undermines their boot cut-tiness. I can imagine on taller people, pants are constantly coming up short, flood pants-style. Thanks for nothing, pants.

2. They try too hard.

Rhinestones. Embroidery. Decorative zippers. Sometimes I just want a simple pair of pants, you know? I don’t need my jeans to do the talking for me, and I don’t need my back pockets to tell a story. Just be yourself, pants.

3. That whole belt situation…

I’m the worst at wearing belts. I browse through Pin-spiration of fashionable girls, looking like they were born wearing a tan belt with a strategically half-tucked chambray shirt and I think, “Yeah, I can do that!” but really, I can’t. If your pants don’t stay up without a belt, buy a different pair. I suck at wearing belts, and this wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t wearing pants.

4. Some of them don’t have pockets.

One thing I do appreciate about pants is they give me an out when I don’t know what to do with my hands. Pockets are a godsend when you’re feeling awkward. So why are there pants without pockets? I look dumb every time I try to slide my hands into invisible pockets. Thanks, pants.

5. They’re silently judging me.

When I’m pulling pants over my hips or struggling to make button ends meet, it feels like my pants are silently suggesting I shouldn’t be wearing them. When honestly, it’s their fault for not accommodating different types of bodies. They’re constantly telling my tummy to sit tight and my thighs to hang in there. Why yes, pants, I did eat an entire package of Oreos today, but I’d rather not discuss it with you.

6. It’s hard to tuck them into boots.

Tucking pants into boots requires a series of rolling and folding that only stays in tact until right after you leave the house. Unless you’re wearing skinny jeans, and even then there’s no guarantee, there’s too much pant for your boots’ liking. Don’t even try to throw boot socks into the mix.

7. There are underwear rules.

You can’t wear every style (or color) of underwear with every style/material of pants. And it’s proof that life is unfair. Sometimes I choose pants based on what kind of underwear I want—or don’t want—to wear that day. I don’t appreciate when pants make me work for it.

8. They’re so restricting!

There’s nothing freeing about pants. They just don’t let you breathe. One minute they’re too bunchy in the knees, the next the crotch is too tight. Why do we subject ourselves to these waist prisons? Maybe I need to move to LA so I can wear dresses all year round.

9. There are too many styles.

Low-rise. Wide-leg. Straight cut. Boyfriend. I usually appreciate having options, but lately, pants shopping has been a little overwhelming. I wish there was a universally recognized pair of pants, a golden standard that’s considered fine to wear in any situation.

10. There’s always one part of you that seems to be uncomfortable.

Maybe it’s your thighs. Maybe it’s your calves. Maybe it’s your ankles, because they’re attempting the whole boot socks thing. You’re rarely 100% at ease in a pair of pants, unless you unbutton them, which is only socially acceptable after lunch when hidden under oversized sweaters.

… Unless we’re talking about sweatpants. Sweatpants are the lifeblood of Netflix marathons, dog walking and running to the store really quickly. If sweatpants were the only kind of pants in the world, I would absolutely looove pants.

Featured image via ShutterStock

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=776530299 Lis Bokt

    You know what bugs me about pants is how they dramatically change fit throughout the day. They’ll be too tight in the morning, but after an hour stretch back to where they normally are and will be totally cool for a little bit while I’m running around doing stuff, but then when I sit back down at my desk for an hour, get wildly uncomfortable. If they were consistently uncomfortable in a single area I could deal (and get pants built to avoid that one thing) but since it varies, I CAN’T.

    • Gina Vaynshteyn

      Amen, sister.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=570542074 Caroline Gick

    Oh my gosh. This is too funny. One of the FB status posts I made earlier this week was “I really hate to use the word hate (I don’t seem like a hater, do I?), but I hate shopping for pants. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.”

    And the reason I hate shopping for pants and having to find pants? Well….you named 10 good ones right here! Glad to know I’m not alone.

    ~ Caroline

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1069247322 Laura Murrocu

    Hahahaha I love you Elizabeth!!!

    Ever since the beginning of last year’s summer I’ve started to wear more dresses and skirts (and more colour too, yay!) and I am starting to hate pants more and more everyday.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=598080079 Becky Simmers

    This cracked me up. “Just be yourself, pants.” I hate pants too, and I prove it by immediately banishing them to my living room floor upon entering my house.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1634420819 Cynthia Riegler

    I hate pants! I have worn pants on exactly two days since June 2008 — Halloween weekend 2009, when I dressed as a male friend. No pants, no matter how cold it is. My winter wardrobe is dresses with leggings or tights and boots. Sweatpants are pants, so they’re out, too. I couldn’t wear pants if I had to, because I don’t own any. Not a single pair. I’m always comfortable, I’m never under-dressed for anything and I frequently get compliments on my cute dresses.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=500377979 Laura Soriano

      But how are tights comfortable? I hate wearing tights! They always fall down in the crotch, no matter what brand/type and I have to reach under my skirt and do a shimmy to pull them back up!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=678331487 Shannon McNamara

    My problem with pants is they don’t fit in the weirdest places, like knees…why don’t my pants fit right through the knees!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=550561201 Monica L Supra

    I feel you sister! Even on the coldest day of the year, I would still rather wear tights with my school uniform than the pants – 10 years later, same thing! And the pocket thing – so true! There’s no use for pants without pockets! Thanks for the giggles :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=566592268 Daneesh Sethna

    I TOTALLY feel you… PANTS are like the DEVIL!!! I don’t own a SINGLE pair of pants I feel comfortable in and going shopping for them IS THE WORST!!! A week-full of hunting for a good pair of pants that fit right resulted in finding NOTHING!!!! Ended up buying a pair of thick leggings instead…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=686661979 Haley Mauree Townsend

    This is exactly me. Yesterday I wore a dress and boot socks and boots to class in 27 degree weather. Everyone was asking me if I was freezing. I just said my legs don’t really get cold, which is true because I’ve conditioned them from my hatred of pants.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001537959971 Christin Grady

    I totally relate to all this! Pants are EVIL! I don’t own a single pair I like. No one sells normal pants anymore and trying to find a pair that fits my 5′ 1″ frame is impossible. They are ALWAYS too long. :( Unfortunately though I love the look and I wear them all the time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001991892497 Mia Moreno

    You know my feelings exactly. I LOL’ed at #5. So funny, so true.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=72302681 Maggie Kaleita

    And I hate how we’re expected to wear low-cut jeans that barely hit at the hips…there’s nothing to hold them up! And if you put a belt on that’s actually tight enough to hold them in place, even the thinnest of us end up with a muffin top. I’m constantly having to pull my pants back up and it’s so embarrassing if someone catches it haha.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1346234906 Natalie Moreton

    I own no pants!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=565848886 Andrea Wattelet Weinfurt

    I had a button leap for its life off my pants. Some things you can forgive, but never forget.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1303202247 Kim Alojado

    OMG this is so accurate also when pants are just there to keep you conscious of your behind because some are low waist and they always then to show the coin slot of your behind, its such a big hassle!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1123359959 Tiptoes Lightly
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=790749427 Jenna Merryweather

    You Americans and your pants!! I love it!! I’m from the UK and was working in Italy, on a really hot day, with some Americans and one of them came out with’ OH GOD I wish I never wore pants today!’ …you can imagine my face haha I love it. Great talk, I totally agree. Always the knees on me. If they are skinny jeans, they should stay skinny on my damn knees! :p

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1020393254 Areth Tsouprake

    I am always complaining about the pants I am wearing. Why do I wear them?! I will try wearing more skirts, however a lot of them male me feel self-conscious of my small butt.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007559165842 Rhi Yeager

    UGH! I hate pants!
    This made me laugh so much!

    I live in Florida and I think that when it gets cold here (it should never be cold in Florida), it’s the god of pants cursing me for ignoring his subjects all year!

    We need a holiday called No Pants Day!

  • Buttlet

    What a stupid article

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=704355471 Cayte Scarlett

      RIght? It sounds to me like this person has absolutely no idea how to pick out pants or that she hasn’t realized that it takes longer than five minutes to find ANY properly-fitting pair of pants!

      Also, that whole rant about tucking the pants into the boot and then not being able to wear boot socks was ridiculous! (Uhmm…why can’t you wear the socks UNDER your pants like everyone else does??)

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61900568 Elizabeth Eshelman

        Some boot socks are designed to be worn showing. Calm down. It’s just pants. Some of us don’t like them.

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