Apocalypstick's ApocaLIST

10 More Favorite Simpsons Characters

Here’s part one, in case you missed it. Once I again I interviewed each character to ask them how they felt about being on this list. Enjoy!


10. Ralph.

“Yesterday I tried to make my own blog but Daddy said I can’t use a computer because the last time I hit my head on it while I was trying to get inside. My kitty died so I got a new one and it likes to high five me with its sharp pointy hands. (Giggles). Will you play with me? I like to play tag with forks, it’s fun because when you’re it, it feels hurty! Are you my mom? (Giggles, sighs)”

9. Mark Hamill.

“Do it for Yoda while we serve out guests a soda, Luke be a Jedi tonight!”

(I’ve praised Mark Hamill’s cameo on this show in the past, but it must be said again — best Simpsons cameo ever.)

“Aw shucks, thanks Almie. Almie, is it? I’m glad you liked my performance. But I’m not just Luke Skywalker or Nathan Detroit. I’m also the voice of the Joker and an all around swell guy. Let’s hang out sometime! Please? I have to get out of here, I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD.”

8. Squeaky-Voiced Teen.

(Best quote: “Sir, you’re not supposed to put butter on the Milk Duds.”)

“Oh. Hi. Uh. Oh gosh. Hi. I’m so bad at public speaking. Uh. Well. Oh. I should get back to work, or my manager is going to make me clean the toilets with my socks again.”


7. Louie (Springfield mafia).

“So you wanna talk to me? Who wants to know? You wanna know? Well I don’t care, see? I got stuff to do. This town isn’t gonna corrupt itself. Or maybe it will, so what? ‘Scuze me a sec — hey boss! I left my jacket at the dry cleaners. Can I get it? It’s a real nice blazer.”


6. Krusty.

“Heehee yahahaha! It’s me, Krusty! And I’ll shill for anything! Blogs, Internet crap, who cares! I have a new cologne coming out. It’s called Krust Musk and it’s gonna big BIG. It’s — waaaait. Krust Musk? Ohhhh this is TERRIBLE. Who came up with this? They’re FIRED. I–Oh, wait. It was me? AAARRRWWWWWW. Why does anyone listen to me when it’s rum night? You know I can’t think on rum night! Get my lawyers. I’ll find someone to sue. Heehee yahahaha!”

5. Stupid Sexy Flanders.

(Last time he was an honorable mention. I decided that wasn’t enough.)

“Well hi-dely ho-dily, blogerino! I’m glad you like my suit. It feels like I’m wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all! See you later, bloggin’ buddy!”

4. Milhouse (AKA Thrillho and Milpool).

“Uhhhh, I don’t think I’m supposed to be on a blog. I’ll have to ask my mom. You want a sandwich? I made it out of beef jerky and jam. It’s all my dad has in the house. It’s not so bad. It reminds me of the time I went camping. It was okay. A squirrel stole my glasses. And Bart told me I never had glasses. Then why did I have the glasses case, Bart? Why did I have the case?”


3. Sideshow Bob.

“Ugggggghhh. A blog. Am I supposed to be impressed that I’m on a blog? I’ve been in newspapers across the country. I’m notorious. Or should I say nefarious? No, let’s go with notorious. Oh who am I kidding, that’s so cliche. I’ll go with nefarious. You’re not going to include the diacritic over the ‘e’ in ‘cliche’, are you? Typical pedestrian ‘blogger.’ What does that mean, anyway? Perhaps you should consider getting a real job. Or may I suggest a new education? You probably went to Princeton, you poor soul. Mwuahahahahaha.”


2. The rakes that hit Sideshow Bob.

“THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.” “THWACK!” “Ugggghh.”


1. Hank Scorpio.

“Well hi there! I’m Hank. Hank Scorpio. You like expensive cheese? Because I have a lot of it right here. It’s tasty! Comes from France. I had a guy pick it up for me this morning! Great guy. Nice wife. You married? I’ll be happy to throw your wedding for you! You like swans? I can get you sixty of them! I have a pond in my backyard. Clearer than glass! Expensive glass. From Venice. You like Venice? It’s full of boats! Boats in the street! Can you believe it? Excuse me, I have some important business to attend to. One of my employees was caught stealing. That’s a downer! Too bad. Nice guy. He’s going to miss his arms! I’ll see you later — volleyball’s at 3 PM!”

If you liked this check out Homer Simpson’s Top Ten Best Parenting Tips or Ten Things I Learned from King of the Hill. Cheers!

All images from Simpsons Wiki

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