10 Facebook Statuses Nobody Cares AboutBobby Box

I like to think of Facebook as an US Weekly to our lives.

Our statuses act as the headline, where our photos, comments and ‘LIKES’ are the article’s content. Similar to the ads people flip by, there are the ‘Facebook Statuses Nobody Cares About’.

1. What You’re Eating.

Wow, you’re eating sushi? That’s really interesting! You must be really cultured. I’m also very moved by your aerial photograph of wasabi and soy sauce.

2. What You’re Doing All Day.

Though I haven’t noticed many as of late, they still pop up here and there. These posts contain a never-ending list of mundane tasks:

“Big Day! Breakfast / Cat Sitting / Lunch with mom / Days of Our Lives / Gym / Dinner / Nap / Jersey Shore / Warm Milk / Bed.”

3. Vague Mood Descriptors.

 These people say something along the lines of “worst mood ever!” Then, when somebody caves and asks them what’s wrong, they say “nothing” or “don’t worry about it”. Well, here’s an idea – if you don’t want to tell us what’s wrong, don’t inform us something’s wrong in the first place, attention seeker.

4. Linking To A Song Nobody Likes, Boosting Your Indie Cred.

Oh? You haven’t heard of (insert unknown artist here)? You HAVE to check them out. It will change your life!

*cue video of desolate guitarist donning plaid button-up and beanie.

5. Agree With Me!

Saying something that everybody will agree with so people will either LIKE or interact with your post.

Examples:

“Exams Suck”

“I Hate Having a Cold!”

“Ugh work!”

6. Bashing Somebody Without Mentioning Their Name.

This can come in the form of “I hate it when people steal your favourite hat, then lie about it to your face.” Or “Wow, what kind of friend leaves you at the club for a one-night stand? Not cool.” It’s completely understandable. You’re upset. Problem is, nobody else really cares.

7. Posting A Video Everybody’s Already Seen.

 “Ahh! Check out this video of a cat playing the keyboard—it’s so funny!”

While it’s true that YouTube sensation “Keyboard Cat” is an entertaining (and kind of kitschy) video, you aren’t the trailblazer behind this its success, unfortunately.

 8. Lyrical Post.

 Though this isn’t as common as the others, lyrical posters make a habit of posting a daily lyric in their status. They don’t necessarily say anything informative but people don’t really know how to react. Lyrics about infidelity? Were you cheated on? Doubtful. The post would be a lot more descriptive than a lyric.

 9. Quoting Undeserving People.

 Inspirational quotes occur from time to time and that’s fine. My problem is when people quote stupid things that ‘famous’ people say. Here are a few Jersey Shore quotes I’ve noticed lately:

 “Wahh” – Snooki

“Oh yeah, (insert verb) yeah!” – Pauly D

“You like the boobs!?” – Deena

“She’s too young for you, bro!” –Vinnie and Pauly D

10. Lurk Post.

 This happens when you receive a notification on a photo taken of you months (or even years) ago. It’s obvious that the lurk was on your page for a while, searched your archived photo albums, found one they liked and commented on it.

comments

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  1. I don’t get what you meant in #10. I know it sounds stupid to some of you, but would someone care to explain that part? Thanks.

  2. Lol. What is up with the writer? It says “what’s on your mind?” Shed some light and write “10 Facebook Statuses Everyone CARES About” and let’s see! :P

  3. High five to Ashley and Margarete up there. No one’s holding a gun to your head, forcing you to look at baby pictures and read passive aggressive status updates.

    Sure, there are a lot of annoying, downright enraging things you can stumble upon on Facebook, but you have the ability to block it. And keep in mind, you’re probably annoying the crap out of someone out there too with your Facebook activity, but they aren’t gonna go blog about it on Hello Giggles.

  4. So then what would you suggest we write as our status updates?? You’ve eliminated a lot so far.

  5. So what are people to supposed to write on Facebook then? I love Hello Giggles, but this post is so full of itself and is like a pointless rant more than anything.

  6. I think any one of these is fine as long as someone isn’t posting annoying stuff incessantly, and guess what? If they are, I hide them. The last one is totally off course. While lurkers definitely exist, you can’t assume that just because someone posted on an old photo that they are lurking. Haven’t you noticed that Facebook shows old photos and status updates on the right sidebar? I post on old photos frequently and it is entirely due to what shows up on my sidebar.

    PS. I love my friend’s foodie posts

  7. The religious ones that challenge you to repost if you love God. My spirituality doesn’t have to be proven on Facebook, but by my actions and the way I treat my fellow man.

  8. So what are some of the BEST Facebook statuses? What exactly “isn’t annoying” when creating a Facebook status? Just wondering…

  9. Awesome article. Next do 10 Facebook Statuses Everyone Cares About. Good luck..

  10. This is exactly why I have all but abandoned facebook and moved pretty much solely to Twitter. A lot of similar posts, sure, but it’s a lot easier to scroll by.

  11. According to my Facebook timeline, there are a lot of bored teenage girls who will rate my looks out of 10 if I like their status. Um, no thank you!

  12. Ha! Very true! Although as a Foodie, I admit to digging food posts. When my friends go on vacation, I totally want to see where they stayed, what they did and what they ate. I’m a voyeuristic eater!

  13. So true!! I think we all have that “facebook friend” who makes these posts all the time. Is ok to saying boring things sometimes like what you’re eating but not every second of every day!! Sometimes I’ve had to hide the feeds of people because they were getting on my nerves with constant obvious posts! I don’t need to know when you eat, watch tv or fart!!

  14. lol I lurk post all the time, mostly on good friends or family though. I tend to feel embarrassed if it’s someone I don’t know well or just went to school with. What do you suggest someone puts as a status though?

  15. #3 is the worst! “Well, here’s an idea – if you don’t want to tell us what’s wrong, don’t inform us something’s wrong in the first place, attention seeker.” <– one of my biggest pet peeves!

  16. Can we please add the incessant baby updates… I understand you are really happy you had a kid but I don’t need to know that it’s there 151day birthday. A picture every once in a while is great I just don’t need a play by play of their day.

    • I know a girl who had a baby a few months ago and would literally post 156 photos a week of her daughter just sleeping on a pillow with some super jumbo over sized bow on her head. It gets quite ridiculous.

    • Yes! Especially when parents try to spin updates about how bratty their children are being into something cute and funny.

    • The baby updates don’t bother me unless they’re TMI updates. I really didn’t need to hear about juniors poop today!

      Also Bobby I want to add diet updates to #1. Talking about your breakfast doesn’t magically get more interesting when you stop eating carbs.

    • * their

  17. Yes, yes oh god yes! All of these are what gets me to hide you from my home feed. Hiding people’s statuses on home feed can save friendships. I also find that little feature that checks you into places you are at or were at to be annoying.

  18. isn’t this what fb is all about?
    and for all of you fb impaired…
    when you visit someone’s profile; random pics they were tagged in pop up….so it may not be lurking!
    can you say: E G O ?!!?
    oh, and i love hellogiggles!!!
    but this is just…bleh.

  19. I feel like I could have written this (not so eloquently but that’s why you did!) I just agree with every part of it, so much so I often question why I even have a facebook still!

    #8 bothers me the most when people post the lyrics, but don’t put quotes, so I read a paragraph and THEN realize I just wasted a minute of my life. If quotes were there I wouldn’t have read it.

    This girl I know from high school is one of those people that constantly whines. One time she wrote a status asking people to stop whining about all their bad stuff when something like the disaster in Japan is happening. Then the next day whined again (as usual) about her job. Hypocrite much? It took every ounce of self control I had to not bother calling her out on it.