10 Facebook Statuses Nobody Cares About

I like to think of Facebook as an US Weekly to our lives.

Our statuses act as the headline, where our photos, comments and ‘LIKES’ are the article’s content. Similar to the ads people flip by, there are the ‘Facebook Statuses Nobody Cares About’.

1. What You’re Eating.

Wow, you’re eating sushi? That’s really interesting! You must be really cultured. I’m also very moved by your aerial photograph of wasabi and soy sauce.

2. What You’re Doing All Day.

Though I haven’t noticed many as of late, they still pop up here and there. These posts contain a never-ending list of mundane tasks:

“Big Day! Breakfast / Cat Sitting / Lunch with mom / Days of Our Lives / Gym / Dinner / Nap / Jersey Shore / Warm Milk / Bed.”

3. Vague Mood Descriptors.

 These people say something along the lines of “worst mood ever!” Then, when somebody caves and asks them what’s wrong, they say “nothing” or “don’t worry about it”. Well, here’s an idea – if you don’t want to tell us what’s wrong, don’t inform us something’s wrong in the first place, attention seeker.

4. Linking To A Song Nobody Likes, Boosting Your Indie Cred.

Oh? You haven’t heard of (insert unknown artist here)? You HAVE to check them out. It will change your life!

*cue video of desolate guitarist donning plaid button-up and beanie.

5. Agree With Me!

Saying something that everybody will agree with so people will either LIKE or interact with your post.

Examples:

“Exams Suck”

“I Hate Having a Cold!”

“Ugh work!”

6. Bashing Somebody Without Mentioning Their Name.

This can come in the form of “I hate it when people steal your favourite hat, then lie about it to your face.” Or “Wow, what kind of friend leaves you at the club for a one-night stand? Not cool.” It’s completely understandable. You’re upset. Problem is, nobody else really cares.

7. Posting A Video Everybody’s Already Seen.

 “Ahh! Check out this video of a cat playing the keyboard—it’s so funny!”

While it’s true that YouTube sensation “Keyboard Cat” is an entertaining (and kind of kitschy) video, you aren’t the trailblazer behind this its success, unfortunately.

 8. Lyrical Post.

 Though this isn’t as common as the others, lyrical posters make a habit of posting a daily lyric in their status. They don’t necessarily say anything informative but people don’t really know how to react. Lyrics about infidelity? Were you cheated on? Doubtful. The post would be a lot more descriptive than a lyric.

 9. Quoting Undeserving People.

 Inspirational quotes occur from time to time and that’s fine. My problem is when people quote stupid things that ‘famous’ people say. Here are a few Jersey Shore quotes I’ve noticed lately:

 “Wahh” – Snooki

“Oh yeah, (insert verb) yeah!” – Pauly D

“You like the boobs!?” – Deena

“She’s too young for you, bro!” –Vinnie and Pauly D

10. Lurk Post.

 This happens when you receive a notification on a photo taken of you months (or even years) ago. It’s obvious that the lurk was on your page for a while, searched your archived photo albums, found one they liked and commented on it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/knjenkins Kari Nicole Jenkins

    It is times like these I thank the genius people behind Facebook for allowing us the ‘hide ___ from news feed’ option.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655030048 Marilyn Cox

    I totally agree with you. (see #5…)

  • http://www.facebook.com/AprilcMcLean April McLean

    There once was a time when I could say I have don’t all of these. Now I just think Facebook is ridiculous all together, so I do none of them. Nice list. (You’re so hipster…)

  • http://www.facebook.com/eimsyg Eimear Gallagher

    Ugh, all of this. Especially 6. Passive aggressive facebook drama. I’d rather they just told whoever is bothering them directly and created real drama, it’d be more interesting at least.

    Not really status updates but can we throw in people who are constantly “liking” things? Mainly jokes that weren’t funny the first time or special snowflake pages.

  • http://www.facebook.com/penguinys Nyssa Sager

    I agree with most of them. I think sharing music through Facebook is great. I don’t MAKE people click on mine, and I like to click on others. Facebook is about you and what YOU find interesting. If I want to whine about my finals, I’ll whine about my finals (if people don’t care, they shouldn’t add me). But that’s just my point of view.

  • http://www.facebook.com/raquel.edington Raquel Edington

    I posted a link to this on my FaceyB, nobody cared.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarastollings Sara Stollings

    I feel like I could have written this (not so eloquently but that’s why you did!) I just agree with every part of it, so much so I often question why I even have a facebook still!

    #8 bothers me the most when people post the lyrics, but don’t put quotes, so I read a paragraph and THEN realize I just wasted a minute of my life. If quotes were there I wouldn’t have read it.

    This girl I know from high school is one of those people that constantly whines. One time she wrote a status asking people to stop whining about all their bad stuff when something like the disaster in Japan is happening. Then the next day whined again (as usual) about her job. Hypocrite much? It took every ounce of self control I had to not bother calling her out on it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=804510573 Ken Jah

    isn’t this what fb is all about?
    and for all of you fb impaired…
    when you visit someone’s profile; random pics they were tagged in pop up….so it may not be lurking!
    can you say: E G O ?!!?
    oh, and i love hellogiggles!!!
    but this is just…bleh.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Mrs.Tindall Samantha Tindall

      I kind of agree here. There’s that sidebar on the right now that shows random albums or photos now

  • http://www.facebook.com/yajaira.n.calderon Yajaira Nuribeth Calderon

    Yes, yes oh god yes! All of these are what gets me to hide you from my home feed. Hiding people’s statuses on home feed can save friendships. I also find that little feature that checks you into places you are at or were at to be annoying.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=43600617 Liz Jacobus

    Can we please add the incessant baby updates… I understand you are really happy you had a kid but I don’t need to know that it’s there 151day birthday. A picture every once in a while is great I just don’t need a play by play of their day.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=43600617 Liz Jacobus

      * their

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=39904575 EJ Cummins

      The baby updates don’t bother me unless they’re TMI updates. I really didn’t need to hear about juniors poop today!

      Also Bobby I want to add diet updates to #1. Talking about your breakfast doesn’t magically get more interesting when you stop eating carbs.

    • http://www.facebook.com/healthypanda Jennifer Stark

      Yes! Especially when parents try to spin updates about how bratty their children are being into something cute and funny.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000452416951 Ashlee Michelle Pashia

      I know a girl who had a baby a few months ago and would literally post 156 photos a week of her daughter just sleeping on a pillow with some super jumbo over sized bow on her head. It gets quite ridiculous.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carly.schwartz1 Carly Schwartz

    #3 is the worst! “Well, here’s an idea – if you don’t want to tell us what’s wrong, don’t inform us something’s wrong in the first place, attention seeker.” <– one of my biggest pet peeves!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Mrs.Tindall Samantha Tindall

    lol I lurk post all the time, mostly on good friends or family though. I tend to feel embarrassed if it’s someone I don’t know well or just went to school with. What do you suggest someone puts as a status though?

  • http://www.facebook.com/sandra.esparza Sandra Garcia

    So true!! I think we all have that “facebook friend” who makes these posts all the time. Is ok to saying boring things sometimes like what you’re eating but not every second of every day!! Sometimes I’ve had to hide the feeds of people because they were getting on my nerves with constant obvious posts! I don’t need to know when you eat, watch tv or fart!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/joleney Jolene Miklas

    Ha! Very true! Although as a Foodie, I admit to digging food posts. When my friends go on vacation, I totally want to see where they stayed, what they did and what they ate. I’m a voyeuristic eater!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1080830127 Beth Curry

    According to my Facebook timeline, there are a lot of bored teenage girls who will rate my looks out of 10 if I like their status. Um, no thank you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarahisamazing Sarah Elizabeth Hawkins

    This is exactly why I have all but abandoned facebook and moved pretty much solely to Twitter. A lot of similar posts, sure, but it’s a lot easier to scroll by.

  • http://www.facebook.com/allyson.bousema Allyson Bousema
  • http://www.facebook.com/alisa.scharf Alisa Scharf

    Awesome article. Next do 10 Facebook Statuses Everyone Cares About. Good luck..

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1659733052 Rachel N. Miller

    So what are some of the BEST Facebook statuses? What exactly “isn’t annoying” when creating a Facebook status? Just wondering…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1783575833 Scott Leasum

    The religious ones that challenge you to repost if you love God. My spirituality doesn’t have to be proven on Facebook, but by my actions and the way I treat my fellow man.

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