— Written Rambles

The only 10 cat puns you will ever need

While editing my college’s newspaper last week, I came across a story that stopped me dead in my tracks: “Cambridge, MA hosts first ever Feline Film and Video Festival.” Never had I ever seen a more perfect headline. Though I didn’t know what such an event would entail, I was intrigued by one very important opportunity that it presented: the opportunity to make a genuinely relevant cat pun. At that moment, I could feel the eyes of every Internet user turn towards my tiny liberal arts college, waiting for a response. Tired of the usual “purr-fect,” I became determined to find a cat pun that was both unique and entertaining. I had a lot to consider:

1) Mewment

If we substituted “mewment” for every “moment” out there, the world would be a much squeakier place. Take Kelly Clarkson’s classic coronation song, “A Moment Like This,” for example:

A mewment like this,

Some kittens wait a lifetime,

For a mewment like this,

Some kittens wait forever, for that one special hiss.

2) Cat-titude

Cat-titude is not just “attitude” with “cat” spliced in. No, no. It is a whole separate idea. Someone with cat-titude might try to act unimpressed with your attempts to pamper them. They may swat at you whenever you try to hand them things, scratch the door whenever they want to go outside, or suddenly sit on your laptop while you’re using it, without explanation.

3) Meow-sician

A meow-sician can be one of two things. It can either be a musician with an affinity for cat-themed songs, or a cat with an affinity for human-themed music. (The latter is unfortunately less common, but with all the technology we have out there today, I’m sure singing cats will become a reality in no time.) We finally have a name for Phoebe Buffay.

4) Claw-some

Aside from the fact that it sounds a little violent, “claw-some” is a pretty cat-astic replacement for “awesome,” which is overused in our society anyway. What better way to spice up our vocabulary than by adding more cat themes?

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