Dollar Stores are an amazing place. While they’ve been a blessing to many who have struggled based on the economy, they’re also a key source to items worth far, far less than a dollar – items you can’t find anywhere else. In my column, Just A Buck, I’ll be showcasing a few of my favorite finds.
This week, I have the two oddest snacks, and the two oddest toys that I’ve spotted – but which will be my Dollar Store Item of the Week? Well, you’ll find out at the end.
Item #1: Robot Shield
Wait – when do robots need shields? Aren’t robots their own shields? If there’s anything I’ve learned about robots, it’s that they can pretty much do anything. If something was fighting a robot, I’m sure the robot could use lasers for defense. Or their crazy arms. (I think I might be thinking of Inspector Gadget here, but he was pretty indestructible as a human/part cyborg combination.)
This product could have been called anything else – nearly anything in the world – and not be labeled as “weird” by me.
Here are some examples:
1. Regular Shield
2. Grey Shield
3. Shield with Buttons
4. Shield from The Future
5. Plastic Toy Shield
6. Shield That Could Maybe Protect Someone From A Bear
7. Plastic Dish That You Can Eat Food From, But Looks Like A Shield On The Other Side
8. Shield for A Dollar
9. Shield That Is Somehow A Choking Hazard
10. Shield That Resembles A Futuristic CD Player
I can go on, but I have other items!
#2 Fruit Ring Cereal
Is that a big-nosed parrot that is legally not supposed to resemble a toucan?
You guys, I used to consider myself to be a cereal connoisseur. Even this year I got a Dictionary of Cereals for Christmas from my sister, which delightfully illustrates the rise and fall of Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute. I even wrote about cereal for HelloGiggles early on, which is proof that I’m not just spouting false statements in order to act somewhat superior over this second item. I say “used to”, since I’m pretty rusty on the newest variety of Cheerios.
That being said, let me state something: I know that brand names are often a bit too expensive for some families. Sometimes off-brands actually taste better. However! Can’t you at least try and pretend these aren’t rip-offs of Froot Loops?
If I were a kid and saw Fruit Ring Cereal on my table, I think I’d opt for oatmeal. After all, the front of the box kind of looks like it was Photoshopped by someone as a favor to the Golden Foods company. And here’s something most cereals don’t do – they don’t have to announce they’re cereal in the brand name.
A favor to Fruit Ring Cereal: Change the mascot, dude! You can keep the colorful rings, but don’t make your mascot a bird! Maybe a lion? A goat? A shielded robot? Anything else that won’t make Toucan Sam call his lawyer.
Item #3: Rattlesnake Eggs
As a kid, I was never a fan of pranks – which was probably why I also thought the “Oops – Spilled Nail Polish!” prank was lame in my first Just A Buck. However, at least with spilled nail polish, it’s a concern that could happen. I’m sure a bunch of Gigglers have experienced the “nail polish on carpet” travesty that probably upset your parents during your pre-teen (and – well, teen. Also, adult) years. But Rattlesnake Eggs?
I say this as a child from the East Coast, whose only exposure to Rattlesnakes was from a Science textbook in 4th grade, alongside Black Widow Spiders and other creatures that only gave me nightmares instead of information.
Kids, if you ever try to prank your friends with snake eggs, you’re bound to either be greeted with laughs of ridicule or gasps by naive classmates like me, who ultimately fear the worst at all times. I’ll stop reminiscing on my own fearful childhood and ask you all the following:
Can any of you even identify rattlesnake eggs? Don’t they just look like normal eggs, or perhaps rocks? Can something adorable also be hatched from an egg that might resemble a rattlesnake egg? Is the $1 prank actually just a satchel that says “Danger! Rattlesnake Eggs!” ? Since if it is, that wouldn’t even fool me. And trust me, guys. I believe everything.
And finally! My Dollar Store Item of The Week is:
Item #4: Junior Bear Honey Flavored Syrup
Know those moments where you feel like eating honey, but could also go for syrup? Alas! It’s Junior Bear Honey Flavored Syrup!
How dare the Junior Bear company label their non-honey in a misrepresentation of a honey container – aren’t the most popular honeys in bear-shaped containers? Secondly: What would Winnie the Pooh think? Would he be duped by this impostor?
This is my Item of the Week solely because it exists. While I can understand generic cereal, generic honey takes the cake. I’m curious as to why it’s not classified as actual honey, and how it’d taste on pancakes. Thus, if I were to buy anything this week on Just A Buck, it’d be this. What can you say – I’m a sucker for pancakes.
The deal with honey is, it’s typically pretty cheap and a bear-shaped vial of the real stuff usually lasts a year or two if used for normal reasons. Even at my poorest, I never sought out a less expensive honey-alternative. In fact, I’m sure a honey or two came with the apartment, hidden deep in a shelf where nobody remembered to find it upon the move-out.
Did you have any great dollar store finds this week? Have you been victimized by impostor honey? Do you have any words in favor of the robot shield? Let us know in the comments!
Image Credits: Dollar Store images by my own terrible phone camera; Money close-up image via ShutterStock.